Christian Confrontation

From Covenant News' "In the Spirit of Transparency"
May 19, 2006


Man is broken, community is imperfect, and brother will inevitably offend his brother. All too often in these situations, we respond in very human ways: fight, flight, or fright. Their consequences are detrimental to community. Jesus taught us how to deal with such situations: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone” Mt 18:15.

Christian confrontation is love made visible, through the genuine, caring, direct and timely feedback to a brother regarding his behavior. The purpose of confrontation is to begin a loving dialogue with that brother, aimed at righting, improving or deepening our relationship with one another. Because confrontation is not easy, many look for excuses not to confront. But excuses do not heal relationships, but rather pile up hurts and resentments. And with the “heaping” of more slights- real or imaginary, trust is eroded, the cancer of suspicion spreads to others, and brethren find themselves warring with each other rather than the spiritual enemy.

The Lord requires us to embrace confrontation as a way to win over our erring brethren to Him. Since it leads to correction and reconciliation, Christian confrontation is essential for our spiritual good. Hence, everyone must embrace it as a way of love. A greater burden of perseverance in witnessing this way of love falls on those entrusted with the caring and feeding of the flock. “If I preach the gospel…an obligation has been imposed on me, and woe to me if I do not preach it” 1 Cor 9:16. Woe to us if we do not practice what we preach! “…For you realize that we will be judged more strictly, for we all fall short in many respects” Jm 3:1-2.

There are four rules to Christian confrontation:

• The peace of Christ must control your heart. You must have overcome your anger and frustration. You are able to focus the goodness of the person and can feel a sincerely empathize with him.
• The wisdom of Christ direct your mind. You must be emptied of any judgments of the person. You are willing to listen without any preconceptions. You acknowledge that you yourself are a sinner needing the Lord’s mercy.
• The love of Christ must guide your behavior. You must have died to the need to be proven right, or to punish the erring brother. You will confront the behavior, not the person. You will repent for what you have done or not done to contribute to the situation. Your goal is to do the Father’s will.
• Pray for the Spirit’s anointing before, during and after the confrontation.