On Trust

From "In the Spirit of Transparency"
March 23, 2001


During a past discipling session, a suggestion was made to reemphasize the critical importance of treating personal sharing in our Word Sharing Circles with absolute confidentiality. The concern could have been rooted in the rapid growth of our community: the more members we have, the more members we do not know well. Some of them may not be familiar with our circle promise on confidentiality. The hidden fear behind the concern was the risk that a breach of confidentiality may occur.

How important is building and keeping trust to our community? Trust is the cornerstone for the development any relationship; it is the cornerstone for the building up of our community. We are in this community because certain couples or persons made a decision to trust by their sharing of the Lord’s work in their lives during an encounter or LSS weekend. Their authentic witnessing of trust introduced us to a constantly growing relationship of love with God and with others in this community. As members of this community, our trust enables us to share the truth about ourselves with others and thus invite them in an authentic way to share our life of faith in Christ. Trust is clearly essential for our growth as persons and as a community.

During our ME weekend, we learned that the only way to trust is to trust. Like love, trust is a decision that entails risks. Through self-disclosure, a person makes himself or herself vulnerable to hurt due to judgment, ridicule, rejection, or exploitation. If a member’s self-disclosure is not received with respect and confidentiality, that member could very well withdraw from the community, physically or emotionally. Once a case of serious betrayal of trust occurs, other members will be hesitant to give trust as well. A community wherein there is no trust will stagnate and die. If trust is life-giving, the betrayal of trust is life-draining.

This is why it is critical for us to develop and safeguard a climate of trust in our community. For trust to thrive, every member must faithfully live the values of openness, sharing and acceptance. Openness is a quality needed in both sharer and listener. For the sharer, openness is the courage to risk being candid and to believe in the goodness of the other person. For the listener, openness is the willingness to listen attentively to and respect the sharer. Sharing is a quality of making oneself vulnerable and inviting trust through self-revelation. Acceptance is a quality in the listener that communicates respect and appreciation for the sharer regardless of what is shared. When trust is respected and honored, stronger interpersonal relationships and a stronger community will develop.

Let us therefore faithfully adhere to our circle promise of confidentiality: “I realize that much of what we share would be harmful to you who shared it, were it repeated in other company; therefore, personal matters stop here. I will confine our sharing of personal matters within our circle. I will say nothing outside the group that might be injurious or embarrassing for anyone of you.”